When you’re first diagnosed with herpes, at least in my experiences, the dating world that was already confusing and scary enough, becomes absolutely frightening. You start wondering who would ever want you, how you could even begin to tell someone, what people will think of you if they find out, how different your sex life will become, WHERE WILL ALL THE ONE NIGHT STANDS GO?!?!(maybe that’s just me). Talking about oral herpes is so normal. Think about how bizarre it would be to see someone with a cold sore on their lip and immediately call them a slut, assume they’re dirty, question their lifestyle, or tell them they’re beneath you because of that blister on their face…But then think about how quickly our sex lives, morals, and lifestyles are judged the second it’s known we have genital herpes? Though not identical, these situations are pretty damn similar. I mean, I basically get the cold sore you get on your lip, on my vagina.
And isn’t it at least kind of cool that when we have outbreaks no one has to know when we’re walking down the street because they’re not visible? I’m pretty thrilled about that part still.
But honestly, dating with herpes is really fucking hard.
Think no one will want to date you? Some people definitely won’t. I had one man tell me to my face that I was “a waste of a pretty girl” and that nobody would want me anymore. Those kinds of negative reactions actually happened WAY more often than not. It seemed like the few times someone was accepting of my situation, it ended up being a man I wasn’t actually interested in. If someone accepted me and still wanted to date me even though I wasn’t attracted to them, I would almost date them anyhow because I thought there weren’t going to be too many more people like that to come along.
Though to be honest, on the flip side, every single time I would Google my situation and see absurdly optimistic people say: “just wait, you’ll meet someone soon” I wanted to triple punch them in the face, because they clearly lived in some fairy tail world I’d never been invited to.
It took me what felt like a lifetime to meet a man that I was massively interested in who also accepted I have herpes and still wants to date me. But seriously, that journey was horrifying at times, and still is.
Meeting someone who accepts your herpes even though they don’t have it is awesome. But ever think of what happens AFTER you find someone? All the things that your logical brain forgets because you’ve been so consumed with finding someone to accept you? That’s what I’d like to discuss in conjunction with dating in general on this little piece of the internet I have.